70: Remember What You Like About Yourself

If you know me, you know that deep down I am a bit of a nerd. Actually, you probably don’t have to dig too deep to discover this. And one of the many things that contributes to my inner nerd is the fact that I love to edit. I know it sounds strange, but editing is actually fun for me. Finding a typo and correcting it sparks an odd sort of joy within. I’ve edited a handful of dissertations, essays, and articles. One time I even got an advanced copy of a book by one of my favorite authors and, while I wasn’t planning on it, I did happen to catch several typos, so I sent in my unsolicited copy edits to the publisher, just for kicks. Now, I don’t claim to make perfect edits or catch every single typo (especially in my own work). I’ll be the first to admit my need for a good editor; I’m definitely more amateur than pro. All I’m trying to say is that I love the editing process.

A good editor has an eye for what needs to be fixed. Tweaked. Rearranged. They want a piece of content to be the best version it can be, so they are on the lookout for places where there might be room for improvement. As someone who loves to create with words, that is definitely something I value. 

Of course, that all has to do with editing a document. It might be a bit of a stretch, but what’s interesting to me is that I find I often let the editor within seep into my actual life. And instead of just looking for typos on a page, I start to look for typos in who I am as a person. In a way, my inner editor morphs into an inner critic. And maybe you know exactly what that’s like.

Now, before we go on, I do want to say this: there is something valuable and healthy about being aware of our shortcomings. Understanding the ways in which there is room for us to grow. After all, none of us have fully arrived and I believe the Spirit will continue to convict and guide us in love as we seek to become the people God intends us to be.  

But I’m learning that there is a difference between a healthy awareness and an inner critic. The inner critic amplifies our shortcomings. It berates and beats us down by reminding us of all the ways we don’t measure up. It tells us we need to be healthier, smarter, thinner, faster. It says we’re too outgoing or not outgoing enough. Too loud or too quiet. That we said too much or said too little. It suggests that maybe if we were just a little less selfish, or distracted, or absent-minded, and a little more compassionate, or focused, or present, then we’d be just right. It tries to make us believe the world is out to get us. The list goes on. There’s no end to the feedback of an inner critic and the more we let it speak, the more its messaging eats away at our souls.

Which is why there is value in remembering what you like about yourself. It’s a simple practice that is often easier said than done. And it ensures that the inner critic doesn’t get the last word. The point is not to stroke our egos or feed our pride or ignore the areas where we do need to change and grow; the point is to be honest about ourselves—our whole selves—to counteract the deceptive messages of the inner critic by celebrating the truth of God’s good design. When we remember what we like about ourselves, we remember that God delights in what God creates, and we follow suit. We remember that, in God’s eyes, we are more than our shortcomings. We remember that God not only loves us, but likes us, too.

All throughout Scripture, we are reminded of this. Psalm 139:14 says we are fearfully and wonderfully made; Psalm 149:4 names the pleasure God takes in God’s people; and Zephaniah 3:17 describes God’s delight in who we are. Just a small handful of the many, many passages laced all throughout Scripture that speak to how much God likes what God has created. 

In 1 John 3:19-20, we are reminded that as we live and act in the world, we can rest not in the condemnation of our own hearts (I.e. the inner critic) but in the fact that we belong to God. We read:

19 And by this we will know that we are from the truth and will reassure our hearts before him 20 whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

The voice of God is greater than the voice of the inner critic because God knows everything. Yes, God knows how we fall short, but God also remembers God’s good design in each of us.

So what might it look like to join with God and remember what you like about yourself? Well, I’d like to suggest making an actual list in some way, shape, or form. Listing these qualities, characteristics, attributes doesn’t mean you are claiming that they are perfect qualities, characteristics, or attributes; you’re just naming and remembering that there are parts of who you are that you like.   

So maybe you grab your journal and write them out. Maybe you create something you can hang on the fridge or your bathroom mirror. Maybe you write out a prayer and incorporate it into each day moving forward. This is simply a prompt, and invitation; you get to decide what you want to do with it.

I’ll go first and share a few things I like about myself.

I’ll start with something super deep and profound: I like my eyelashes. They have always been super long and full and I’ve never had to use one of those terrifying eyelash curlers. And once I finally learned how to apply mascara without blinking the stuff all over my cheeks and brow bones, I was set. My lashes add a little pop to my eyes, and I like that about myself.

Second, and I don’t know that I appreciated this one until I started the podcast, but I like my speaking voice. It’s something that feels very natural to me, and I like that my cadence and tone help to bring others a sense of encouragement, comfort, and peace. A lot of the feedback I hear from listeners is how much they like my voice, and through that feedback, it’s something I’ve come to like about myself, too.

Third, I like that I’m a words-person. Based on the intro to this episode, that should come as no surprise. Our words are powerful (which I talked about way back in remind{h}er 4 if you’d like to give that one a listen) and because they are so powerful, I like that I pay attention to them. For one of my classes in college, we had to develop a sort of unique, personal purpose statement. It was supposed to be a brief one or two sentences summing up what we are passionate about and describing how we tend to operate in the world. It was meant to keep us somewhat focused and grounded as leaders. Mine was this: “I have a passion for words—reading words, writing words, speaking words, and God’s Word—and I love connecting with people through those words.” Now, if I had to come up with a new personal purpose statement today, it probably wouldn’t be the same. However, that statement is still true of me and part of who I am. And I like that about myself.

The last one I’ll share here is, I like that I try to notice people—particularly the people who tend to go unnoticed—and I try to assume the best in them. This hasn’t always been true of me and I still have plenty of room to grow, but I like that I’m at least growing in this area. Whether it’s the clerk at the grocery store, the waiter at a restaurant, or the receptionist sitting at a desk, I try to notice their humanity—the image of God within—and treat them accordingly. In a world where people are often twisted into commodities, I like that about myself.

So, there you have it. A few of the things I like about myself. I’ll admit that coming up with my list was more difficult than I thought it would be, so I’m right there with you if you struggle with creating yours. But I still encourage you to give it a try. Your list will probably grow and change over time because we are people who will grow and change over time, but it’s a powerful practice to visit every now and then. It helps us recognize the voice of God over the noisy inner critic and grounds us in the truth of God’s delight.

So today, if you find the voice of your inner critic booming and loud, remember what you like about yourself. Remember that God not only loves you, but likes you, too. As we continue becoming the people God calls us to be, may we remember God’s delight in who we already are. To borrow a prayer from Macrina Wiederkehr: “O God, help [us] believe the truth about [ourselves], no matter how beautiful it is.” May it be so.