42: Reflect on Purpose

This past week, I noticed lots of people, both in real life conversation and on social media, sharing about how it has been one full year since everything began to change thanks to COVID-19. Initially, I had a hard time wrapping my brain around that. But, for example, where I live, it is currently Spring Break 2021, and last year, students unexpectedly never returned to class in-person after Spring Break 2020, at least for the remainder of that school year. So indeed, here we are, one year later. It is, in fact, true.

This time last year, I don’t know that I realized how impactful these changes would be, or how long they would last. Really, I don’t think any of us did. But I do remember that there came a point several weeks in when I realized, this is significant. And this is probably worth paying attention to. 

Throughout this past year, I’ve heard over and over again this desire to go back to normal. I’ve probably uttered that desire myself several times. But I also remember making a personal commitment of sorts, that I wouldn’t live through something like this without acknowledging the lessons it might offer and carrying those lessons with me into the next chapter, whatever that chapter might look like. I didn’t want to live through The Great Pause in vain. I didn’t want it to go to waste.

Now, to be fair, we aren't quite through it yet, at least at the time of this recording. We are well on our way and we can certainly see a light at the end of the tunnel. But I do want to acknowledge that some of the lessons I’ve been learning, I won’t be able to name for probably many years still. And the same is probably true for you. So, while it’s helpful to mark one year,  it’s important that we continue to pay attention to all that this unprecedented experience might hold (yes, I used the word unprecedented because it’s a sign of the times, amiright?)

But all that to say, in my own life, this “one-year-marker” is highlighting for me the importance of reflection.  

I’ll be honest, sometimes, reflection seems like a waste of time and I’ve often fought against it. If I’ve already lived through it, what’s the point? What I’m learning is that we can’t feel the full and good weight of an experience unless we take the time to reflect on it. Reflection leads to taking a closer look, digging deeper, finding the value in the days, weeks, months, and years we’ve lived. And it’s in the reflecting that our experiences take on new meaning.

One of my professors, Jan Johnson, says it this way:

“It’s not the experience that brings transformation, it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

Reflection leads to transformation. It’s important to look inward and process in order to be transformed outwardly, growing into the people God call us to be. 

The truth is, I’m not the same person I was this time last year and reflection helped me recognize that. So today, I’d like to acknowledge the lessons I’m learning during a year of a pandemic. I don’t share these things because I think they are particularly interesting or profound or even complete. And I don’t expect your experience to look the same, meaning your takeaways could very well be different than mine. And that’s okay. I share because there is value in reflection and I hope that this serves as one example of its transforming work, as an invitation for you to consider what you intend to carry with you moving forward. So, without further ado, here are a few of the lessons I’m carrying with me into the next chapter…

The first lesson given by The Great Pause is, in fact, to pause. I share more about this in Reminder #8, which was written pretty early on in the grand scheme of this pandemic experience. But it’s a lesson I think I'm always having to revisit and relearn. The difference is that I was forced to pause, to slow down in a way. Not because my to-do list was any shorter (in fact, it actually grew longer), but because the rhythm was slower. Pressing pause wasn’t a goal - it was an actual reality that I learned to embrace. I was able to notice more, process more, and engage more than I was used to. And so as the pace begins to pick back up as we move into the next chapter, I want to be more intentional with my time, more intentional about moving slower, scheduling margin, and simplifying, living deeper rather than wider.

The second lesson is that I need relationships and community. Now, this is big for me and I definitely plan on sharing more in an upcoming episode. But to give you a snapshot, I am an introvert and have always valued time to myself in order to rest and recharge. So, as you might imagine, the early stages of this pandemic - everything being shut down, the extra time alone at home, the continued social distancing - were gold to me. Those first few months, I was thriving. But as time went on, I soon realized how disconnected I felt. Disjointed and out of sorts. Zoom meetings and social media posts just weren’t cutting it. I’ve grown to understand in a new way that we were created for healthy touch, eye contact, corporate worship, sharing meals, gathering together. And while I’m sure the introvert in me will still value alone time moving forward, I want to be intentional about being present with others, building relationships, and prioritizing community.

The third pandemic lesson is to try softer. Now, that is not my brilliant phrase, but it is the brilliant title of a book I read during the summer of 2020. In it, author and counselor Aundi Kolber suggests that instead of putting pressure on ourselves to try harder and push our way through difficult circumstances, we need to try softer by being more self-compassionate. This concept was so foreign to me and my inner critic, but it’s been incredibly helpful while living through a pandemic. It has given me permission to acknowledge that sometimes, experiences or situations feel hard because they ARE hard, and we are allowed to adjust accordingly.  Moving forward, I want to be intentional about simply being kind to myself, the same way I would hope to be kind to others. I want to push back against my unrealistic expectations and demands, and be at peace with being a person who is already loved.

Now, this list of pandemic lessons is not exhaustive. I’m still processing and reflecting and as I said earlier, I will probably continue to do so for years to come. But it’s a starting point. That’s how transformation works - slowly, subtly, and in good time. Ultimately, I’m finding that the practice of reflection actually leads to us becoming better reflections of Jesus. Reflection allows God to use our lived experiences to shape and mold us into the people we are called to be, reflecting the character of Christ in the world around us. Intentional reflection leads to our becoming authentic reflections of Jesus.

As we consider intentional reflection, I also want to make sure I add that just as our lived experiences and their takeaways might differ, reflection might look different for each person. It could look like journaling. It could look like making lists. Talking it out. Getting creative. For me, there are two tools that have been helpful companions for my new reflection practice. I will link to both in the show notes if you’d like to check them out. 

The first is a five-year One-Line-a-Day journal. I literally write down one sentence about what happened each day. It’s not long or drawn out, but it does allow me to at least think through my biggest takeaway from the day. It also spans five years, so the idea is that I will come to March 17 next year and the year after that and the year after that, all the way to five years, and I will be able to see where I’ve been on that exact day in years prior. I’m on my first year so I haven’t been able to experience that yet, but it’s been a simple, helpful practice for me so far.

The second tool is a resource provided by Emily P. Freeman, who is actually the person I’ve probably learned the most from about the practice and importance of reflection. She talks and writes about it frequently and has created a guided reflection journal that I am LOVING. It’s not something I visit every day, but it’s not supposed to be. It’s meant for us to reflect on the week, the month, and the season. It provides helpful, thought-provoking, open-ended questions to guide my reflection and so far, it has been a gift, allowing me to process and grow through reflection. 

And that’s the point, isn’t it? Reflection isn’t meant to be a burden, but a gift. It is not a waste, but a window allowing us to understand the people we are becoming through our lived experiences. It centers us, grounds us, and grows us into the reflections, or reminders, of Jesus that we are created and called to be.

So today, as we mark one year of living through a pandemic, remember to reflect. To allow what has been difficult on so many levels to begin to shape and mold you for the better. May this past year not be lived in vain. Instead, may we reflect and decide what we need to hold onto as we move forward into whatever lies ahead.