10: Sit in the Tension

With the exception of one year, my entire life my family has gone to the west coast of Florida for Memorial Day Weekend. Each year, the agenda is pretty simple: spend time with each other, hang out on the beach all day, and eat delicious food. It’s a tradition I hold dear, for obvious reasons. If my memory serves me right, we are typically met with great weather, too. Except for Memorial Day 2018.

At that time, a pre-season subtropical storm (yes that is a thing), named Alberto, was forming in the Gulf of Mexico. While it’s projected path didn’t have it directly hitting where we were, it was likely we would be impacted by some of the storm’s outer bands. So, I was determined to make the most of the first day we were there, before the expected storm came by.

It was the perfect beach day - warm, breezy, peaceful. I had my chair turned toward the sun in an attempt to soak up as many of its rays as possible. Life was good and I was thankful for at least one day of good weather. But when I got up to grab a water bottle from the cooler, I was shocked by what I saw. Dark, menacing rain clouds were threatening my time on the beach. And they weren’t far off in the distance - they were rapidly approaching. I was so focused on the bright and shiny that I didn't noticed the storm creeping in. 

I couldn’t decide what to do. Facing the sun, I wanted to stay out for hours. And facing the clouds, I felt like I should gather my things and head indoors right away. But I stopped for a moment to take in the whole picture. Facing both, I was enthralled by the fact that they could coexist in such close proximity. It was an incredible picture -  and oddly familiar.

That picture encapsulates how life has felt the past few years. There are days when the weight of the world feels so heavy with loss, grief, anxiety, injustice, and defeat. And then there are days filled with pure joy, celebration, laughter and peace. Each day, week, month, year contains both dark and light. Both good and bad. Both difficult and care-free. And sometimes - often times - I just don’t know how to live in the tension that is both. 

My tendency is to think I’m only supposed to face one way at a time. Sometimes I choose to face the sunshine and only focus on the positive. I try to live in the ideal, thinking if I don’t focus on the problems, they will somehow cease to exist. And that blissful ignorance is certainly appealing. 

Other times, I face the clouds and become engulfed in all that’s wrong. The darkness and difficulties can quickly become heavy and overwhelming. I forget about the light. I forget about the good. And I let the burden of the clouds take over.

But what if it’s possible to take in the whole picture?

We read in Ecclesiastes 3 that there is a time for everything. Examples from that passage include:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

We tend to think those times are supposed to be separate, that if we pick one up, that means we have to put the other down. But I’m finding that actually, maybe we can hold both. 

In remind{h}er #3, I mentioned our wedding day. But what I didn’t mention is that while we were celebrating, we, and many of our guests, were also mourning the death of a beloved pastor and friend after his 16-year-battle with cancer. He died a little over a week before our wedding, and his memorial service was a little over a week after our wedding. There was much to celebrate, but there was also much to grieve. Our hearts were hurting, personally and for his family and close friends. But our hearts were also overjoyed as we committed to our life together. It was a time that reminded me how complex, how complicated, life can be. Over that two week period, our church family both grieved together and celebrated with us. We navigated both joy and sorrow. And I started to realize that maybe the whole and the broken are actually intertwined.

Maybe we don’t have to choose. Maybe there’s a way to faithfully hold both. Because maybe God is at work in the dissonance.

We live in a broken world, and sometimes we’re forced to personally face devastating clouds. Loss. Grief. Illness. Heartbreak. Abuse. Despair. Other times, we CHOOSE to face what’s difficult and broken for others, because that’s what God calls us to do as followers of Jesus. We lean in. We sit with the friend who is grieving. We support the family who is struggling. And many of us are choosing to lean in to the deeply rooted injustice our Black and Brown friends face on a regular basis, in hopes that it can be made right.  

But one of the things I’m learning, particularly from the experiences of the Black and Brown women I’m listening to, is that if we only face the clouds, we will lose hope. Brokenness is draining, and we won’t have the strength to fully live out our purpose. We can't let the clouds consume us. We need the good to sustain us and inspire us to continue living into our call. As it says in Nehemiah 8:10, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” In light of our struggles, joy grounds us. 

God designed us for both. And when we remember that our lives contain both, we are enabled to live into our purpose, bringing God glory while building God’ Kingdom. We weren’t meant for the exhausting whiplash caused by the constant back and forth. And learning to embrace both simultaneously is a faithful approach. 

Maybe it’s okay to catch yourself laughing in the midst of deep grief. 

Maybe it’s okay to weep or be angry even when you know there is much to be grateful for. 

Because God meets us in the tension of both.

Sorrow and joy

Beauty and brokenness

Chaos and peace 

Comfort and anguish 

Loss and gain

Triumph and failure

Hardship and contentment

Life and death

Despair and hope

Sunshine and storms

Today, if you're struggling with how to feel or where to focus your time and attention, remember, God meets us in the tension of both. The good inspires and strengthens us to faithfully face what is broken, to be agents of joy, justice, love, humility, and peace.