A couple weeks ago, I found myself in the middle of an aerial adventure course, with obstacles and zip lines galore. Those obstacles included tight ropes, topsy-turvy bridges, swinging logs, and mid-air seesaws, just to name a few. Basically, this was a ropes course high up among the tree tops, probably about 30-40 feet off the ground.

As you might imagine, our group went through a thorough safety training beforehand, and we were each fitted with a harness and other essential equipment to keep us secure. Most important in my eyes was the carabiner, which would keep my harness connected to the steel wire. Without any guides in the air with us, we were each responsible for making sure our carabiner moved along the wire with us. No pressure, right?

And so, after being fitted and trained, we began. Aside from the small platforms interspersed here and there, for the entirety of the course, nothing below my feet felt sturdy. As I moved through each obstacle, I was keenly aware that the only thing keeping me from plummeting to the ground was the carabiner connecting my harness to the steel wire. It was my literal lifeline. And probably the biggest obstacle was learning to trust that this safety gear would hold me. I’m not gonna lie, in the beginning, my two hands also held on to that steel wire for dear life. Just in case.

Reflecting on the experience, I wouldn’t say I was scared (I don’t really have a fear of heights or anything; I had a lot of fun and would definitely do it again) but the course was pretty disorienting and it took some getting used to. When solid ground is not available, you learn to pay better attention to what’s holding you steady.

I know you for sure didn’t see it coming, but this is, perhaps, an apt metaphor for life. It’s often easy to feel disoriented, like the ground beneath us is crumbling, but the good news is, we’ve got our carabiner and we’re hanging on. Even though each step we take feels wobbly and uncertain, we know we are held secure. And it’s often in these moments or seasons that we remember the importance of holding on to who we are. Of ensuring we don’t let ourselves completely fall away.

Now, here’s one thing to note before we continue on: the metaphor of unsteady ground doesn’t necessarily have to mean being in crisis mode. It certainly can mean that; an unexpected diagnosis, significant loss, or traumatic event will most certainly feel earth-shattering. But really, unsteady ground can be any disruption, any sort of change in pace or place or person. And a disruption can sometimes be a very good thing: a new job, an addition to the family, a promising relationship, a newfound understanding, or a much-anticipated move. Often, our unsteady ground is a little bit of both: good and bad disruptions.

Regardless of the cause, any time we are thrown off-kilter in life, it’s important to pay attention to our “carabiner,” as we seek to hold on to who we are in the middle of it all. This might look like asking the questions, “How did God create me?” And “what helps me feel tethered and connected to the same God who will sustain me through this?”

Practically speaking, our “carabiner” is really made up a few core values and vital behaviors. These terms are not novel, but they are something I learned to pay attention to a little over a year ago, and I’ve been intentional about paying attention to them ever since.

Identifying my own core values and vital behaviors has made all the difference for me as I continue to lean into who God created me to be, in and through the inevitable twists and turns of life. Even when everything else feels all out-of-sorts, I know that through these values and behaviors, I can cling to God and remember that God is always holding me steady.

And so today, I’d like to suggest how you might do the same, or at least your own version of the same. As an aside, it might be helpful to listen to remind{h}er 56: What Helps You Remember? In that episode, I share a bit about some different spiritual personalities or temperaments that might prove helpful after listening to this episode. Everything I’m sharing here in this episode, I learned through the guidance and wisdom of MaryKate Morse, author, Quaker minister, spiritual director and dean at Portland Seminary.

The first thing (or things) to consider as part of your “carabiner” are your core values. These are principles that guide your behavior. If you are a person of Christian faith, the hope is that these values would be rooted in Christ and lived out in love. While you can certainly choose broad, over-arching values like Love, Justice, Peace, Mercy, etc., you might find it helpful in the long run to try to be a bit more specific. The goal is to identify 2-5 of them, and the following questions might help you do so:

What do I care about the most?

What gives me the most energy?

What creates growth in me?

(Another way of asking these might be, what is life-giving for me?)

These values might change slightly depending on your stage of life or particular set of circumstances, so don’t worry too much about boxing yourself in; that’s not the goal. While these values are most likely an intrinsic part of who you are, the truth is, we do grow and change over time. The goal here is simply to name principles that are important to you, identifying them as part of the fabric of who you are and then considering how these values help connect you to God.

In case it’s helpful, my core values right now are Connection, Creativity, and Margin (which includes different variations of stillness, silence, and solitude). All three values are incredibly life-giving for me and help me stay true to who I am in Christ.

Once you’ve identified your core values, you’ll then want to take some time to consider your vital behaviors. These behaviors will typically be reflections of your core values in some way, shape or form, and they are measurable, repeatable actions—done in love. They are distinct to who you are and will lead to the outcomes you want. A good guiding principle is, “when all else is stripped away, what are 2-4 behaviors I need to engage in in order to feel like myself?” Some additional questions to consider from MaryKate Morse might be:

What behaviors make the most difference in my ongoing well-being?

What behaviors do I need to do on a regular basis that connect most to “me being me” and “me being in Christ”?

What do the people closest to me (a spouse, partner, parent or close friend) think I should do to stay in a healthy place?

Just like your core values, these behaviors might change slightly here and there. But it is important to remember that they are like ingrained habits, so they probably won’t change too often.

For me, my vital behaviors are 1) practicing Sabbath weekly (a reflection of my Margin core value), 2) making eye contact with those I cross paths with each day (a reflection of my Connection core value), 3) regularly connecting with others through written and spoken words (a reflection of Connection and Creativity), and 4) taking a walk outside at least five days a week (a reflection of all three: Margin, Connection and Creativity).

So, there you have it. A brief “Core Values and Vital Behaviors 101.”

We could leave it at that, but I feel led to share why I believe this matters so much, at least through the lens and experience of my own life. I don’t share any of this with you as someone who has it all figured out, but as someone who is learning and growing along the way. Here is the “why” behind my core values and vital behaviors:

In a world where fractures are deep, fears are real, and hope seems lost, these values and behaviors keep me tethered to Christ.

When I’m tempted to believe my worth is based on my availability and productivity, my weekly Sabbath practice reminds me that while I have agency, I am not in control.

When I am prone to cut off or shy away from people who think, look, or act different than me, I choose to look them in the eye and remind myself that they, too, bear the image of God, that we are intrinsically connected, and that I am called to treat them accordingly. My connection with them is not a threat, but a gift.

When I become so wrapped up in my own little world, I take the time to have coffee with a friend, or craft messages for this podcast, or write little notes of encouragement and gratitude. I do my best to get outside myself and add something of value to my context.

And when I am overwhelmed by worry, fear, frustration and anxiety, or when the words just won’t come, or when I need to process all-the-things with God, I go on a walk. It might not fix it all, but it reminds me that I’m held. That while I try to do what I can to hold on to who I am in Christ, God is first holding on to me and won’t ever let me go.

In a world that rarely looks like the kingdom of God, each behavior and overlying value keeps me tethered to Christ, and reminds me, as James Bryan Smith writes,

“I am one in whom Christ dwells and delights. I live in the unshakeable kingdom of God; the kingdom is not in trouble, and neither am I.”

Tethered to that truth, I can more fully and actively participate in the building of God’s kingdom, here and now, as the person God created me to be. And the same is true for you.

In a world that feels all out-of-sorts, our core values and vital behaviors matter. Over the next couple of weeks, you’re invited to consider your own, the ones that are specific to you. And in the next episode, we will continue on as we consider how they can be integrated into a larger whole—a Rhythm, Rule, or Way of Life. Stay tuned.

For now, today, if you’re feeling a bit wobbly or out of sorts, remember to hold on to who you are. And as you do, remember that who you are is already held by Christ. May we each seek to consider and identify the values and behaviors that form us and hold us, and may those values and behaviors keep us tethered to Christ as we continue to be agents of God’s kingdom in the world around us.